This is so hard

I wish I could just tell him...tell him what's going on...tell him I'm hurting...tell him how much I really miss him...I keep dreaming that he is home and I feel so much peace having him here, but then there is always something different in the dream like we can't talk or we can't date or something. I think it is my sub-conscience telling me that its not quite time for him to be here. I wish I could tell him all the not good things going on right now, but I feel like there isn't anything he can do about it at this point in time, so I should just spare him the drama. Its the right thing to do. I think missionary girlfriends are the only people in the world that can truly write the most upbeat happy letters when they really feel crummy! I hope someday when someone tells him how grumpy and horrible I was while he was gone, that perhaps someone else will tell him everything I have gone through for us. Maybe that will make more sense as to why I have been the way I have. Special thanks to my family and friends who put up with me. Thank you for letting me be me, and loving me unconditionally!

Transfers!

Austin was transferred last week. He is in the same zone, but now in an area called San Vicente. He has a new companion (obviously) who is his "step dad" meaning that its his second companion but he is still in training so its not his original dad or his first trainer but his step dad. I was completely unaware of all this lingo...silly me. He gets to take warm showers now as opposed to heating up buckets of water at his last place because the water was cold. YAY! He lives with the zone leaders! Austin also baptized a husband and wife a few weeks before the tranfers. The man that he baptized very first (who is in the video) is now preparing to enter the temple and he got the Aaronic priesthood. Very Exciting! Its so cool to see the good the gospel can do for people's lives!
Austin and I have decided to read the Book of Mormon together this time. I am just waiting for him to finish (he's almost done) and then we will start again together. We will set goals and report to each other every week when we write. I think this will be a fun thing and it will keep us close together. I am so excited! I finally got his mission plaque made. His bishop said they are trying to do away with that tradition so I had his made for him. He was very excited about it. So was I! Other than that nothing else new with him...It's been 5 months already! This is probably the worst 1/4 of the mission...seeing him off and all. It was quite the adjustment not having him here but somehow I've made it this far. I can totally do this, and I know what I am waiting for! Its been really great getting my life in order and I am actually excited for this adventure. We are creating memories even now, when he is away, that I will cherish forever!

Ten reasons why I want this two years to hurry!

So...in light of the fact that I have been completely miserable the past two weeks...I am going to do a top ten reasons why this two years needs to hurry! I was feeling so much better and for some reason unknown to me I have been missing the boy extra lately.

10-I most of the time feel like I can't breathe and I don't have a "Jacob" to help the hole in my chest close up a little bit--for all you Twilight fans who know exactly what I am talking about. ha ha

9-I NEVER have a thing to do on the weekends...especially the ones when my daughter is with her dad. I actually miss work which if you know me is not my style..although I do love my new job...I just used to really enjoy my weekends.

8-I feel like such a loser when I hang out with people who are in relationships or married, because I am in one, he's just not here so I am just the "stag friend". Plus I think we all know how awkward it can be to hang out with people who are dating anyways. Third wheel is all I gotta say...and I am not a fan.

7-I feel like a loser when I hang out with the single people, because in the back of my head I feel like I shouldn't really be here...I'm not single and I'm not married and I am a little old to be waiting for a missionary so I am just in some weird class all my own!

6-He's not here when I need him or just want him to be around...which is always! My very best friend in the whole world isn't here when I want to tell him something or just be in his company...I really miss it.

5-I am ready to start the next step in my life. I heard this quote from the movie When Harry Met Sally... "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Enough said.

4-This feeling is very uncomfortable...yes I made the choice to wait for him but still it hurts in places I didn't know it could hurt!

3-I am dying to go through the temple with him!!

2-I am sick and tired of all the crap I get for choosing to wait for him! Leave me the heck alone...how is my choice affecting you..is all I have to say to the people who give me a hard time about it.

1-I just straight up hardcore miss him like mad crazy!!!

Updates!

Wow! Its been a crazy month! I made it through my birthday and Valentine's Day without Austin! One down one to go! I wasn't able to get a Valentine's package to him this year...better luck next year! We are both okay with whatever...we've decided to make it up to each other when he gets back. Its super hard to get packages to him and it takes a long time and a lot of money.
I got a new job so I have been busy with that. I was working my old job and my new job for the past two weeks. I am so happy with my new job and it will help the time to pass quicker.
So I learned from Austin that in Mexico I am called his pineapple. That is what they call their girlfriends. I thought that was pretty cool! He is probably doing another baptism here pretty soon...he wasn't sure on the date yet so I will keep you posted! He had zone conference this week and interviews with the Mission President...hopefully that all went well. It is so awesome getting an email from him every week to hear how he is! I am loving it! This is starting to get a little easier and go a little faster. He has been out 4 months now!

First Baptism!!!

Austin did his first baptism this past week!! It was on Thursday, January 21, 2010. He got to do it in the ocean, and I got to see a video of it! His grandma's old Neighbor, named Dale, lives in Puerto Vallarta currently, and he made a video of the baptism to share with us! I feel so blessed to have gotten the opportunity to see his first baptism, and in the ocean no less! Austin gave me the go ahead to post the link on here to share with all of you! Enjoy! Its very touching!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUzpUdp19jM

New Years

I went to my Aunt's house for New Years Eve. What else is a missionaries girlfriend supposed to do?! I, for the first time since Austin left, just let go and enjoyed myself. I am really glad that I went! We laughed and played games and ate lots of food. My family is truly a blessing to me while I am going through this hard time. I was really sad that Austin could not ring in the New Year with me. I really got choked up when it actually hit midnight and it was a New Year. I met Austin in 2009 and it was one of the best years of my life. Luckily, 2010 will be the only full calendar year I won't get to be with him. I got to give my little girl a New Years kiss though :)

Christmas Phone Call 2009

Austin called his parents earlier in the day from a members house and asked them to call him back at 7pm our time. His dad started calling at 7 and the line was busy. It took about 45 minutes to get through but he finally got a hold of him. We all talked to him on speaker phone. I didn't think I was going to be here when he called but I made it so I got to talk to him twice in one week. The first thing he said to us was " You guys are speaking English". That was pretty funny! He kept answering all the questions we asked with Si. He is in Puerto Vallarta currently and he is 5 hours away from his mission presidents house. He has NO HOT WATER in his apartment and they have to boil water to rinse off with. He also has to wash his clothes by hand. But...he didn't complain once about it. I am so proud of him for toughing it out! I will take extra long hot showers just for him! ha ha It was so great talking to him! He has changed a lot, but at the same time he's still Austin. After we got done talking to him was the hard part. No one wanted to hang up. I cried and cried after we got off the phone with him. Its going to take a while to get letters and I won't get to talk to him for a while now. This is for real...he is really gone now. Not just up in Provo. My mom kept reassuring me that he would be just fine. I replied with "Its not him I am worried about, its me". Of course he will be fine. All in all it was the best present I could have asked for to talk to him on the phone. Next to him coming back, but that won't be for a while. I truly am so proud of him for doing this and I know he is doing a wonderful thing!