This is so hard

I wish I could just tell him...tell him what's going on...tell him I'm hurting...tell him how much I really miss him...I keep dreaming that he is home and I feel so much peace having him here, but then there is always something different in the dream like we can't talk or we can't date or something. I think it is my sub-conscience telling me that its not quite time for him to be here. I wish I could tell him all the not good things going on right now, but I feel like there isn't anything he can do about it at this point in time, so I should just spare him the drama. Its the right thing to do. I think missionary girlfriends are the only people in the world that can truly write the most upbeat happy letters when they really feel crummy! I hope someday when someone tells him how grumpy and horrible I was while he was gone, that perhaps someone else will tell him everything I have gone through for us. Maybe that will make more sense as to why I have been the way I have. Special thanks to my family and friends who put up with me. Thank you for letting me be me, and loving me unconditionally!

Transfers!

Austin was transferred last week. He is in the same zone, but now in an area called San Vicente. He has a new companion (obviously) who is his "step dad" meaning that its his second companion but he is still in training so its not his original dad or his first trainer but his step dad. I was completely unaware of all this lingo...silly me. He gets to take warm showers now as opposed to heating up buckets of water at his last place because the water was cold. YAY! He lives with the zone leaders! Austin also baptized a husband and wife a few weeks before the tranfers. The man that he baptized very first (who is in the video) is now preparing to enter the temple and he got the Aaronic priesthood. Very Exciting! Its so cool to see the good the gospel can do for people's lives!
Austin and I have decided to read the Book of Mormon together this time. I am just waiting for him to finish (he's almost done) and then we will start again together. We will set goals and report to each other every week when we write. I think this will be a fun thing and it will keep us close together. I am so excited! I finally got his mission plaque made. His bishop said they are trying to do away with that tradition so I had his made for him. He was very excited about it. So was I! Other than that nothing else new with him...It's been 5 months already! This is probably the worst 1/4 of the mission...seeing him off and all. It was quite the adjustment not having him here but somehow I've made it this far. I can totally do this, and I know what I am waiting for! Its been really great getting my life in order and I am actually excited for this adventure. We are creating memories even now, when he is away, that I will cherish forever!

Ten reasons why I want this two years to hurry!

So...in light of the fact that I have been completely miserable the past two weeks...I am going to do a top ten reasons why this two years needs to hurry! I was feeling so much better and for some reason unknown to me I have been missing the boy extra lately.

10-I most of the time feel like I can't breathe and I don't have a "Jacob" to help the hole in my chest close up a little bit--for all you Twilight fans who know exactly what I am talking about. ha ha

9-I NEVER have a thing to do on the weekends...especially the ones when my daughter is with her dad. I actually miss work which if you know me is not my style..although I do love my new job...I just used to really enjoy my weekends.

8-I feel like such a loser when I hang out with people who are in relationships or married, because I am in one, he's just not here so I am just the "stag friend". Plus I think we all know how awkward it can be to hang out with people who are dating anyways. Third wheel is all I gotta say...and I am not a fan.

7-I feel like a loser when I hang out with the single people, because in the back of my head I feel like I shouldn't really be here...I'm not single and I'm not married and I am a little old to be waiting for a missionary so I am just in some weird class all my own!

6-He's not here when I need him or just want him to be around...which is always! My very best friend in the whole world isn't here when I want to tell him something or just be in his company...I really miss it.

5-I am ready to start the next step in my life. I heard this quote from the movie When Harry Met Sally... "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." Enough said.

4-This feeling is very uncomfortable...yes I made the choice to wait for him but still it hurts in places I didn't know it could hurt!

3-I am dying to go through the temple with him!!

2-I am sick and tired of all the crap I get for choosing to wait for him! Leave me the heck alone...how is my choice affecting you..is all I have to say to the people who give me a hard time about it.

1-I just straight up hardcore miss him like mad crazy!!!