Saturday, March 27, 2010
This is so hard
I wish I could just tell him...tell him what's going on...tell him I'm hurting...tell him how much I really miss him...I keep dreaming that he is home and I feel so much peace having him here, but then there is always something different in the dream like we can't talk or we can't date or something. I think it is my sub-conscience telling me that its not quite time for him to be here. I wish I could tell him all the not good things going on right now, but I feel like there isn't anything he can do about it at this point in time, so I should just spare him the drama. Its the right thing to do. I think missionary girlfriends are the only people in the world that can truly write the most upbeat happy letters when they really feel crummy! I hope someday when someone tells him how grumpy and horrible I was while he was gone, that perhaps someone else will tell him everything I have gone through for us. Maybe that will make more sense as to why I have been the way I have. Special thanks to my family and friends who put up with me. Thank you for letting me be me, and loving me unconditionally!
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I understand where you're coming from. I will give this point, this is good practice for when you're married because we tend to bombard our husband with all the activity of the day as soon as they walk in the door from work. If you can keep the drama from him while he's on his mission, you'll have better self-control once you're married. I speak from experience. I know I'm just a stranger but I would like to offer one more piece of advice. When my ex-husband was deployed I prayed for the eighteen months to fly by. It did, but when it was over I realized how much I missed during that year. I recommend you take this time to accomplish some goals that won't be as easy to motivate yourself to do (I don't know if you sing, write, paint or do anything of the sort, but I'm recording my first cd and finishing my first book, something I wasn't able to do during ten years of marriage). This will help you look back on this time with a sense of accomplishment and allow you to feel more worthy for your missionary so when he comes home you will have something to show him that he can be proud of, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope this helped and I hope I'm not being too presumptrous.